My Beloved Child

The purpose of this book is to raise awareness that we all have critical choices to make in the face of tragedy and loss; one, for me, was not to die with my child, though many days I wished it had been me instead of her. Hopefully there are guidelines and suggestions in the book that can help people make a similar choice when dealing with their own grief. Unfortunately, there are no lesson plans for grieving; it is a messy, human, nonlinear process. What I have learned for myself is that I dreaded my own feelings and resisted grieving of because I felt so out of control, vulnerable.

My vision for this web site is to start building a community of people to create a safe place to grieve. Not polite dab your eyes political correctness, but the ability to keen and wail as the waves of grief over whelm us. The place that comes closest that I know of is the Viet Nam memorial, in DC. People are at least permitted to bring and leave mementos of their lost soldiers. They are also permitted to cry, quietly, at least.

Table of Contents

  • Chapter 1- First Five Years: Chaos and reorienting
  • Chapter 2- Ten Years: Realignment and acceptance
  • Chapter 3- 15 Years: Weariness and shut down
  • Chapter 4- 20 Years: No one cares; holding up is hard
  • Chapter 5- 25 Years: Silence and loneliness
  • Chapter 6- 30 Years: Back to the beginning; a renewed sense of purpose and meaning
  • Chapter 7- 35 Years: The relationship with My Dead Daughter
  • Chapter 8- Other Losses
  • On the Other Side of Grief
  • Poems